Is that a camera around your neck or are you just happy to see me?

Carrying two Nikon D3s around my neck, I receive attention I would not normally get. My smile isn't too charming, but apparently my cameras are. With that, there are a number of people who I would rather not talk to. I'll take bamboo sticks shoved under my fingernail instead. Yes, I'm that passionate.

Here are three...

The hobo. It must be that my cameras scream the message I like to just throw money away. They assume I'm lost as a tourist, so they ask if I need directions. I know they know these streets better than a child in his hometown, but no. I'm a photographer. A professional loiterer. I like to be lost. Next, they pour a story about how they are an American war vet. While 1/3 of our homeless are veterans, I don't carry cash. You are barking up the wrong tree. No squirrels here. Finally, you drop the question... "Would you be able to spare a few bucks to an old vet?"

That... was 5 minutes of my photography life waisted, and you made me miss a child fall in the river. Yes, I am bitter. Yes, that really happened. Now I have to kick a child in the river instead.

The zombie. As a general rule, if you look like this...

Don't comment on my camera and don't talk to me. Please. I don't need a reason. I don't like zombies, and zombies don't talk. They moan. But, please, don't do that to me either.

Middle aged creep.

"That's a reeeally big camera you've got there."

Spare me.

I normally get this from middle aged men with no concept of personal space and carry a predator like tone in their voice. They often wear a Hawaiian shirt and shorts that end just above the knee cap. I cannot help but to question their capabilities of being an integral part of society.

I don't appreciate your mustaches, I don't appreciate your chest hair, and more than anything, I don't appreciate you thinking it is acceptable to rest your hand on my shoulder while you creep me out.