Damaged

I had a wonderful evening yesterday. A long walk through San Antonio, a visit to the Alamo and a walk home on the Riverwalk. I decided to veer off the usual stroll back to the hotel to see what I would find down some random streets.

It was dark, so the only light emitting was from the occasional street light. As I walked down the road, there were many dark crevaces that could be occupied by someone trying to do me harm. Still, I felt the true peace of God. As I listened to a little David Crowder on my Ipod, I looked around at the amazing architecture and thanked God for allowing me to witness the beauty and creativity of the people He created.

It was about then that four women, ranging in age from late-teens to elderly, appeared around the corner.

"Here is an invitation to learn about God," one said. "How can we pray for you?"

These women didn't know me, and at the moment I was worshiping, so I asked for prayers for my family and a friend of mine who will be released from prison soon.

We prayed. God is good.

Fast-forward to the hotel. I was back in my room talking to my wife on the phone. We had been going back and forth on whether or not to let our daughter celebrate Halloween due to our religious convictions, which is a topic for another blog.

During that conversation, frustration filled my mind as I tried to explain my convictions to my wife. The conversation got more and more passionate, which I take blame for. I felt as though my wife was not hearing my heart on the issue, and as I hung up the phone I threw it on the ground in a moment of anger.

What a stupid thing to do.

That moment of anger lasted only a second. Almost immediately after that I realized I had been irrational and needed to pray for forgiveness and ask my wife for the same. I picked up my phone and put the battery, which had fallen out, back in and pressed on the power button. Nothing happened.

My one-second tantrum had resulted in a broken phone and a worse scenario to explain to my wife, now through a message on her Facebook. Had I held back for that instant, my wife wouldn't have known how frustrated I was.

My wife is forgiving and realizes I am a human. However, she was still upset. She told me she loves me and forgives me but was frustrated and she logged off the computer.

How could I go from glorifying and praising God one minute to almost the opposite the next?

I try to follow God, love God and serve God every day. Sometimes the enemy throws my faults back in my face, and tried to get me off track. Not today!

I am ashamed of my behavior, particularly as a man who ought to be the example and leader for his family. Still, I will not stop trying and praying to be the husband and father God called me to be.

I will not let my broken phone be a reminder of my failures, but rather a reminder of my need for Christ and the importance of remaining focused on Him in all things.